Adiyen Swami,

Adiyen has no intention to advise anyone. Adiyen wants to know what is dharmam here. If boy’s side is mistake to have concerns, then adiyen will try to explain it suitably. Requesting Swamy’s anugraham to understand.

Dasan

Srimathe Rangaramanuja Mahadesikaya Namaha
Swamy,

Adiyen agree with Kambandasan Swamy. The baseline will be our attachment towards our son & daughter.

On practical front. For few months let girl & boy get attachment & anyonyam.

Also it is understandable from girl’s side that they can’t bear the seperation for first few months.

To me, first two years of marriage is very critical. The boy should also understand girl’s side will have emotional bonding.

So let him allow but have a firm grip on bharya. The problem with girl’s side is, if they keep coming the bond of boy & girl will never be stronger.

Girl also will not gel into boy’s family. Boy will start to see girl as a burden.

The problem with girl’s family, vandha summa irukkardhu kedaiyAdhu, yedhaiyAvadhu mooti Vida vEndiyadhu. Paathi dirvorce kku this gen parents dhan Karanam.

Here marriage happening itself a great deal idhula family intervention vera. How will the new age couple handle?

Also the boy will not know how to handle first few months. It is completely new to him.

Lastly, if wife is not stronger in her commitment marriage will fail. Ponnu dhAney pugundhAthu perumaiya kApathanum..

Let the girl say to her parents not to frequent to boy’s home.

Let the boy say to girl about it openly. He has every rights. Idhula enna sangocham?

Idhula shAstram enga vandhadhu? Illa shAstra vAkyam edhAvadhu sonna kekka porALA?

DhAnam kudutha porula thiruppi kekkalAmA?

Only the boy’s vamsa vriddhi is of priority here. Girl Gothram changes apuram enna attachment vendi kedakku?

Dasanudasan

Adiyen has no intention to advise anyone. Adiyen wants to know what is dharmam here. If boy’s side is mistake to have concerns, then adiyen will try to explain it suitably. Requesting Swamy’s anugraham to understand.From Kavitarkikakesari

Swamy,

without knowing the full picture we can not say this side is wrong or that side is wrong. And it is not necessary for us to know the details of other families. 

But most often the case is, both sides are not wrong; there is just a misunderstanding or misalignment of priorities between the two people / two families. Such situation is like a wet cloth fallen on a thorn plant; it has to be handled very carefully with high level of sensitivity to others’ feelings. Then, soon the two individuals / families will gel well and have a pleasant life together.

On many occasions our Swamy has highlighted the importance of taking care of parents from both sides. Especially in this age of small number of progeny, it is appropriate for the couple to serve parents from both sides. It is not necessary that all of them live in the same house; that may be difficult. Irrespective of the physical distance, we must be attentive to their needs.

In light of this, it is okay for the parents to visit the daughter, even frequently. But the ‘interference’ is what causes problem; it prevents the couple from talking to each other, understanding each other and arriving at a mutually agreeable decision in the interest of everyone concerned. The interference can happen even without visits – thro’ mobile updates! This is worse than frequent visits!

Another perspective to this is: if it is in the boy’s destiny that he will have some kind of irritation in in his married life (similarly for a girl also), then it is bound to be there; initially it may be through his in-laws; but if he blames them and distances them, then the problem may be because he distanced them! For example, the girl may say “you don’t respect my parents, why should I respect your parents?”.

The best way to deal with problems is to build a cordial relationship with the persons involved, and once we know we have genuinely gained their trust, then gently explain to them “you are very much part of our family and we value you very much. At the same time we two (the husband and wife) need some time to understand each other and learn to run the family together. So, it will be nice if you share your inputs when we both are together; we both can discuss and then make our decisions. If the inputs are given only to her, that polarises the two of us. It is understandable that we both have different preferences and opinions because of difference in our backgrounds. But we both have to discuss and pave a common path for us to travel. So, we prefer not to have polarising influences. I hope you understand. Thank you.”

This approach will minimise the problem, and hopefully solve it completely. Above all, such an approach will please Perumal.

Kali is waiting to cause discord between people. So, we have to be very careful and try to not offend any relationship. We may have to lose some battles (with our relatives) so that we can win the war (against kali).

Please request the couple to recite SriVishnuSahasranaamam together regularly. This will protect them from kali’s influence.

adiyen dasan.

Adding to it
Sundakra Kanda Upanyasa PArAyanam of Sri Velukkudi Krishnan Swamy
Dasanudasan