Adiyen Ramanuja dasan.
Namaskaram Swamy,
I strongly believe and experienced Perumal is always with me and giving situations whichever is good to me, though it seems to be sorrow for others who looks at me, but I strongly understood all happened good to me “Thirutthi Pani kolvan”.
My mother, my sister, myself and my son(6 yrs old) got Samasrayanam. My mother does not have son. We all staying together (my mother, my sister family and my family).
I used to tell to my mother and sister that we should not cry while any one of us going to Paramapadham, I have same feeling with my son also. I thought I have that much vairagyam.
But just now my mother told she want to spend her remaining days with any Divyadesa kainkaryam and she planned to go once lockdown over and buses goes normal. Every Sunday she used to go for kainkaryam but due to lockdown no kainkaryam from past two months, I think that makes her to decide like this.
I feel my heart heavily not able to digest this decision.
I was there in Hyderabad for my son autism therapy from past one and half years and just came to Chennai before lockdown and restarted staying together. Got happiness very short span as she decide like this.
I could not understand what to wish to Perumal. As a daughter, I wish to serve her forever by keeping with me. She sacrifices many many things from my childhood for me. She plays major role on my both dheha Yatra as well as my Atma Yatra. But as a Srivaishnava person, I should encourage her decision. I am confused on what to ask to Perumal. I clearly understood that if I am in the place of her I definitely choose her path only.
If she wish to go for 1 or 2 months, I can feel ok, but forever means not able to control my heaviness…
From my childhood I never leave her, though I got good rank in engineering, I didn’t choose good University in other cities and choosed my home town engineering college only because of not to leave my mother. After joining in MNC got many onsite opportunity, not accepted simply because of not to leave my mother. After marriage also I am blessed to stay with her after I conceive.
I can understand still I don’t have vairagyam.
Please suggest how to treat this situation Swamy….
